The Mother in me...

For as long as I can remember I’ve been mothering. It was something I did instinctively. As a child I often sought out younger children to mentor, and encourage, pets to care for, and situations in which I could play “mother”.  At the ripe old age of five the universe (and my parents) conspired to give me two siblings within a year; two adorable, beautiful, perfect little babies to love. I honed my nurturing skills upon these two little people every chance I got. By the time I was twelve, I had four more little siblings. I was adept at changing diapers, rocking fussy babies, playing make believe, and pushing a stroller; singing children’s songs, bottle and spoon feeding, bath time, and telling elaborate bedtime stories. In the five years that followed I became “big sister” twice more, making a grand total of seven brothers and sisters spread out across the vast expanse that was my respective parents’ love lives.

Throughout adolescence I often befriended people who needed reassurance and love. I was usually the caretaker. The proverbial “older sister” figure. I donned that hat and I guess it fit. Even when I had relationships with people who were older and perhaps wiser than me, I instinctively brought a sense of supportive security to the equation.

Now as a mother to my own children, I see how all of that experience compiled to prepare me for this journey. When we are young we don’t always understand why we have the experiences we do, however a little hindsight can bring things into perspective. I cut my mothering teeth on the trials and tribulations of having a hand in the upbringing of many little siblings, needy friends, and even adults who needed my care in their own wayward ways.

In true mothering style I still offer advice, unconditional love and support; honest, constructive criticism, and heartfelt compassion to those who are close to me. I am best friend and confidante to many, big sister to some, love to others, and mom to a few. But I am also more (and less) than this image I convey to the world. I am needy and insecure sometimes. I question myself, my capabilities, and my identity. I often wonder whether or not I am qualified to offer any of these things to others. It is then that I remind myself that what you give so too shall you receive. And I redouble my efforts to be the best nurturer I can be; to love unconditionally, to forgive, and to see the beauty in everyday experience. To encourage, entrust, and assure. To proffer love and support to all those I have the honor to know; myself included. I believe this is why I am here on this earth. This is my path. Though it may wind through dark and stormy emotional snares and entanglements, ultimately it is leading me to the light of fulfillment.

Love.