For some reason this week has been a struggle for me. I have had a lot of time off, (which should give me a sense of satisfaction) and yet I have felt all week long like my time is too short and I am always pressed! Responsibilities loom, darkening my mood and creating friction during what should be (could be?) peaceful “at home time”. Even baking didn’t help! And baking ALWAYS helps! (Though the pumpkin bread did turn out delicious! If I do say so myself! J)
I just want…
A (relatively) clean house with no food or spills or dirt lying around... (BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)
To feel motivated instead of resentful…
To be organized…
Quality down time that feels restorative…
Space to develop my private thoughts and resolve my unrest…
Time to write, to walk, to do yoga and connect with friends…
To give and receive much needed understanding
To help others…
To feel joyful and appreciative…
To be present in the time that I have…
To break down this mental wall that holds me back from loving life in this moment AS IT IS…
To stop needing things to be/feel different in order to find serenity…
To feel proud of myself and recognize my efforts…
PATIENCE!!!
To be lighthearted, and exuberant…
To love life!
I write this wondering if I should share. It’s not inspiring or uplifting. It’s just plain true. I struggle. I fret. I get bogged down in the day to day and I have to work at keeping my thoughts positive. I get tired, and crabby (read: Bitchy) and frustrated! I am human, and oh, how I wrestle with that! Some days I feel like life just pins me to the mat and won’t let me up for air. I trip over my own efforts to “get over it”, and I get peeved at myself for letting it get to me!
So there. Now you know. I’m having a day. (week?) And I may “get over it” tomorrow, or even later this afternoon. But for now, I am feeling pissy and am trying hard to remember just how beautiful my life truly is and how incredibly blessed I am today.
-Love
I am just starting to get over a year of this (maybe more?) like seeing a glimmer at the end of the tunnel--and everything on your list is something I would have put on my own list (if I thought of it first ;-) You are not alone in this wrstling match called life--Today I have been on top for a better part of the day--but it'd a rare day :)
ReplyDeleteI can relate so well to this. There are weeks where I feel like I have everything together, and honestly, like you, they are the weeks when I'm busiest. It's as if all the demands on my time keep me more organized and in the moment because I can't really focus on the past or future until I'm through that particular moment. But this week with the sickness and sleep deprivation and shift in schedule, I feel like I got caught under it all. I even bailed on a birthday party today, sending my husband instead, because I wasn't feeling up to small talk with people I don't really know. It definitely gives us a reason to look forward to next week!
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