When I was a child I was very sensitive. I cried easily, loved easily, and was quite physically affected by everything. The world was wonderfully, terribly intense. Bright. Vibrant. ALIVE with colors, sounds, and emotions. Some intoxicating, some excruciating. As I grew older I learned (for the sake of survival) to distance myself from this affectedness. I grew strong, thick calluses around my tender places. I learned that being vulnerable in a world full of suffering was dangerous. My heart needed to be protected by an armor so strong it could not be pierced by the hate and tragedy, the sorrow, and overwhelming hopelessness I encountered.
I dulled my senses. My innate ability to feel-- joy, sorrow, wonder, disappointment, elation, became casualties of a dysfunctional perception. I, (like so many) mistakenly believed that feelings were a sign of weakness and I steadfastly insulated myself against them. In so doing, I also stopped seeing the beauty, the unfathomable depth of meaning which pervades this human existence. I would find myself, as we all do at times, bowled over by the overwhelmingly miraculous nature of reality. Babies were born. Spring came after seemingly endless winters. Kind gestures touched my heart. Relationships were born where before there was none. I found in others that spark of wonder, that genuine kindness that I recognized, and I began to remember. Little by little, Life's gifts and particularly its sorrows disarmed me. My armor was not pierced so much as it was disintegrated. Life touched my tender heart and stirred within me the knowledge that I was created to feel. I cannot deny this purpose.
My spirit increasingly leads me to a place from which I can find strength in vulnerability. I not only remember how it feels to be affected, but I am allowing tenderness to find its way into my heart where it may soften and melt all barriers, to bring me back to my original perfection. Free from the illusion of fear. Safe in the knowledge that true strength lies in Love. Love of life. Love of self. Love of All That Is, Was, or Ever Will Be. We mustn't guard ourselves from that which is. We cannot seek to limit our experience. It is through our total immersion that we liberate ourselves. We are beings born of infinite Divinity. With this knowledge, may we greet Life. Open and whole, without limitations or barriers against the full potential which is our birthright. With no need to protect or shield ourselves, let us swim fearlessly in the vastness of all that is. Succumb to Life's depths and wade playfully as well in the shallows.