Thursday, February 24, 2011


With so much negativity in the world it is often times incredibly difficult to maintain a positive attitude. When faced with injustice and tragedy, it can seem impossible to remain loving and hopeful; to believe in the beauty of humanity; to train our focus on the good in life and to send that energy out to every place where it appears to be lacking.
When we see or hear of a grave misfortune, be it brought about by natural disaster or by human negligence, or cruelty even, allowing ourselves to become distraught, angry, hopeless or hateful will only add fuel to the raging negativity inferno. You can not fight fire with fire. You will only create more flame. Taking that negative situation and imagining it filled with hope, love, and promise is the only way to heal the afflictions of an unbalanced world.
Pay attention to the way you process the world around you. How often do you find yourself feeling discouraged or wrought with worry? How many times have you born witness to something atrocious and found yourself reacting with guttural aggression? We have the ability to raise our energy to a level beyond “good” and “bad”. To recognize that in reality there is only love and that all low lying emotions are brought about by fear, and all fear is in reality, the absence of love. Every situation that we encounter in which we find ourselves reacting out of fear, we can immediately go within our hearts and send out as much love and compassion as we can muster. We can heal our hearts, our minds, our relationships, and ultimately our world.
Hate will not trump hate. It will only foster hatred in your heart. If love is what you desire to cultivate, you must practice loving. Not just those you deem worthy, but all of life. Find love for every facet of existence and broadcast that love into the universe with your every thought, deed, and action. Buddha says, "Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."  And in the words of Christ, “Love your enemies.”
If you are in need of love, give more love to others. If you desire to have more happiness, give more happiness to others. If peace is what you crave, be an example of peace in your life. “Be the change you wish to create in the world” –Ghandi.
These truths are not new thoughts; they are not some radically liberal hippie mumbo jumbo. This is the greatest lesson ever taught; LOVE IS the answer. Try it out for yourself, in the face of any uncertainty, apply this truth and see if it doesn’t transform your experience! LOVE IS the answer.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


I have always loved that feeling of truly connecting with others; finding people who come to feel like a part of you.  Recognizing a part of yourself within them, and allowing the connection to help shape and form who you will become.
I have been blessed in life to have some of the best friends one could hope for. They have loved me, and known me, listened to me, and encouraged me. They have given me the best and worst of themselves and received the best and worst of me in return. And through it all they have loved me and been loved by me, no holds barred.  Friends are our chosen family. Given, found by, sought out, introduced to, us; and held onto with great vehemence. Cherished beyond words.
I have currently had the opportunity to cultivate even more true friendships. To supplement my already abundant supply with yet some more wonderful, irreplaceable, irrevocable, irresistible relationships.
Finding that sense of camaraderie that intrinsic union between like minded individuals, sharing a sense of humor, wit, or set of values, creates an impenetrable bond. Sometimes, just finding in someone something so irresistibly attractive, a quality you covet or adore, and wanting to simply be close to this person in order bring some of their natural essence into yourself. To bask in and reflect the light they bring unto the world.
Friends charge your spirit. They fill you with joy, and abundance. The honesty and compassion we give and receive from our friendships are examples of the divine capabilities that we as humans possess. The capacity to support and encourage one another; to inspire and energize each other, to uplift, accept and love each other unconditionally. Sharing a smile, a thought, an inside joke… Knowing each other better than others know us, needing each other to feel complete…
Friendships come in all shapes and sizes, but they are always recognizable. They are relationships you simply can not imagine your life without. They may go years without being maintained, but when you reconnect there they are, right where you left off. Or they may be with you always, through every up and down, you may disagree, argue, challenge each other, but they are always there, truly a part of yourself, inseparable from who you are.
Friends bring a smile to your heart. They increase your joy, hope, health and happiness. Friends connect your spirit with the oneness of all things. Friendships are priceless. If you are a friend of mine you know it.  Unequivocally you know without a doubt that I love you for who you are and what you give to me just by your simple existence in my life. With much love and gratitude I thank my friends for their inimitable presence. I wouldn’t be me without you.

Saturday, February 19, 2011


I can feel myself slipping into what I refer to as “numb” mode. It’s what I call that time when life feels so uncertain and out of my control that I just have to “Let go” and allow things to unfold. In order to do that and avoid feelings of fear and anxiety, I tend to “go numb”. Unfortunately that numbness isn’t something I can control; it affects not only my negative feelings, but my positive ones as well.
I’d like to put a sunny spin on it and say that I am just so Zen and confident about the future that I have no need for worry. I’d like to say it is just my resounding faith that gives me this sense of calm in the face of adversity… However I realize that while I do have a great deal of faith, and am a firm believer in the age old adage: “All things happen for reason”, an inordinate amount of uncertainty wreaks havoc upon my otherwise accepting nature. And in a desperate attempt to protect myself I tend to shut down. I stop experiencing things fully. I put a barrier up between my heart and the external world.
Now and again something remarkable will lift me out of the numbness and I will have overwhelming emotional connections to my present moment and the people around me. Those moments are the most priceless gifts. Those are the moments I aspire to create with all of my being. That is the place I long to reside within, the place where life touches me, and I touch back, fully engrossed by the experience.
Allowing life to take its course while still being fully present in the moment to moment is a constant challenge. It presents an endless contest in which I have to balance my need for security with my belief in the rightness of all things. At the same time remembering that all the while I worry or detach, I am actually missing the experience that is unfolding around and within me.
This is why I regularly try to examine and express the extraordinary details of the everyday. The intricate, colorful, lively details that make up life and all of its miraculous splendor. The joy… The sorrow… The laughter… The tears… The excitement... The uncertainty… The love… The fear…  The truly incomprehensible elements of the human condition. The all encompassing phenomenon that we are sharing here upon this Earth.
So in order to quell my inner “numbness” and immerse myself in the vast spiritual sea of existence, I will stop and notice. I will share my observations and my emotional responses with you. And in so doing perhaps I will remember to see and feel for myself as well. Thank you for being a part of my journey and for allowing me to be a part of yours.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Do I blog with this quiet moment or do I make a cup of chamomile tea and settle myself under a blanket to read or knit or watch a sappy movie?
Do I have anything earth shatteringly important to say tonight? I’m certain that given the blessed quiet and the peaceful “alone” time I could spark up some at least remotely witty, unquestionably relatable, ultimately personal piece of heartfelt wisdom and consideration that would leave us all feeling warm and fuzzy and intimately connected to each other and the universe… But, much as I love you and want to give that to each of us in turn, I can’t summon the energy tonight to turn life’s overwhelming emotions into eloquence.
Tonight I will contain all of these thoughts, sentiments, and images within my heart and let them rest until they settle into the perfect configuration to share. Until I am overwhelmed with communicative lucidity and an undeniable urge to write, at which time I will open the gate allowing my truth to spill forth unto all who do me the honor of reading my meager little blog. For now though, I will make my tea, tuck my oldest daughter into bed, curl up in the silence and bid you all a goodnight!

Friday, February 11, 2011


Mothers get tired and sad and frustrated.
Mothers need love and affection and gratitude.
Mothers run out of patience and strength and empathy.
Mothers need to “recharge” themselves when their energy gets low.
Mothers feel unappreciated and overworked and unrecognized.
Mothers need consideration and compassion and understanding.
Mothers work 24/7 to provide everything to everybody.
Mothers need downtime and fun time and “me” time.
Mothers are giving and guiding and nurturing.
Mothers need direction and encouragement and sustenance.
Mothers are strong and dedicated and vigilant.
Mothers need resonance and friendship and camaraderie. 
Mothers hold hands and wipe tears and kiss away boo -boos.
Mothers need reassurance and assistance and support.
Mothers smile when they feel like crying and laugh when they want to scream and routinely sacrifice their comfort for the comfort of those they love.
This is for all of the wonderful “Mothers” I have the honor of knowing, and with whom I am navigating this treacherous journey through the often lonely, ever rewarding, sometimes dismal, undeniably lovely territory known as motherhood. I honor all of you ladies for your courage, strength, generosity and determination. I am so thankful to have so many inspirational, encouraging, beautiful mother friends. So glad to have you all to share this experience with! We are not alone. We are all together!
All together now… (All together now) All together now…

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

A Crummy Day...

I have been so grumpy today; wallowing in feelings of frustration and inadequacy. Feeling overwhelmed with piddly little irritants that have ganged up on me this week.
 I know in my heart that it truly does not matter if my house is a complete disaster area, or that nobody seems to care or notice except for me. I know that being an uber- organized, couponing, labeling, super mom is pretty much out of my realm of possibility. I know that it is RIDUCULOUS to be upset about an endless mess that just grows and grows day in and day out. I know that I have so many reasons to just be happy. Logically I know that I am so unbelievably blessed and have soooo much to be thankful for, and yet… I find myself in a fowl, disgusting, unproductive, self deprecating mood, which seems in great part due to the endless crumbs, toys, dust, dishes, laundry, paper, and bits and  pieces of who knows what that litter my home and my life.
Today has been one of those days when I’ve felt that no matter how much effort I put into tackling my “to do” list it only grows longer by the minute. For each thing I accomplish I see ten more waiting for me to get to them, laughing and taunting me with their sticky, dirty, unabashed displays of utter disarray.
Someone said to me once, “You make it look so easy…” (i.e. being a SAHM) Well it isn’t easy. And just because I like to bake, and knit, and hang my children’s art all over my house does not make me any more proficient than anyone else. I have days when I am not patient, not playful, not pleasant, not positive and not fair. Days when I despise my own petulance and wish for everyone’s sake that I would just GO AWAY! Take my outrageous annoyance and go shove it where the sun don’t shine!
Because the truth is, mess and all, I have a beautiful life. I have so much to be grateful for, so much more than so many others. I am trying now, as I type, to simply be grateful for this thought and not berate myself for my lapse in appreciation! I have a husband who loves me. Three beautiful, healthy, exuberant daughters. A roof over my head. Food on my table. Clothes on my back. The most amazing friends and family to turn to whenever I feel myself forgetting who I am and what is important to me. I have faith. I have strength. I have inspiration and opportunity. I have more than I need and plenty to share. I have my strengths and my weaknesses. I have good days and bad days, but I am overall so incredibly gratified to be on this crazy, messy, turbulent, unpredictable ride called life. And crummy days are just a great reminder to be more aware and not take any of it for granted.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Entertaining Fantasies...

I am one of those people who prefer stability. I do not like feeling uprooted or ungrounded. I don’t ride roller coasters. I don’t like adrenaline. I have no pressing need for excitement. Give me security, comfort, and a sense of continuity and I thrive. I enjoy adventure, as long as there is safety within sight. A vacation, an excursion; count me in! Just make sure that “home” is ready and waiting for my return with open hearth and dust bunny parades.
We moved a lot when I was a kid. Not far mind you, but “home” was rarely the same place from one year to the next. Apartment after apartment, new rooms, new smells, new views, and new nighttime noises to grow accustomed to.
I’ve always had this vision of a homestead. Not a farm per say, though more and more these days I’d love to keep a few chickens and plant a huge garden. (And everybody knows I’ve always wanted a cow!) ;) But seriously, a big house for my children to call home; with rooms to explore and a big front porch with rocking chairs to sit upon on warm summer evenings. A front yard with a tire swing, and a back yard with a weeping willow.
I know it may seem boring to some. Even unrealistic to others, but this is what I envision when I think of “home”. This daydream has haunted me for as long as I can remember. I picture my children’s children gathered around my dinner table, bedrooms dressed in floral sheets, a big claw foot tub, and crystal doorknobs. Sunlight streaming through lace curtains, over-stuffed furniture, floor to ceiling bookcases, a window above the kitchen sink that looks out into the back yard…
Awwwww… *sigh* that felt good. Sometimes it’s fun to entertain our fantasies, just to see what happens! For me, I feel a connection to something that may or may not exist, and it has put a little ray of sunshine into my consciousness!  This morning I have been contented by make-believe warm and fuzzies! If you catch me smiling wistfully today, you can bet that somewhere in my imagination I am sitting on my phantom porch, basking in the beauty and familiarity of “home”.